


waltz (with the dead)

by placebo



Series: A Song For The Dead [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Character Death, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Platonic Relationships, Suicide, Unhealthy Relationships, Violence, Zombie Apocalypse, the renmin is only implied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-06-30 03:39:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15743475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/placebo/pseuds/placebo
Summary: Once, a long time ago, it had been Mark who drove them everywhere.(“It’s okay to cry, Duckie.")





	waltz (with the dead)

**Author's Note:**

> this was meant to be around 4-5k words but... here we are
> 
> please read the tags before continuing if u havent already, since this contains sensitive content :)
> 
> title from waltz by lindsey stirling uwu

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

In a time like this, finding an empty convenience store feels like winning the lottery. 

It’s Chenle, crammed in the passenger seat with Jisung, who spots it first, letting out a cry as he excitedly gestures towards it, bumping Jisung in the process. It jolts Donghyuck out of the slumber he had lulled himself into, leant against Jaemin, and it takes him a moment to process exactly what’s happening.

When he does, though, he lets out a yell of delight and leans forward, wedging himself between the front seats as Jeno accelerates, speeding them towards the store. They don’t know what will be in there - if there will be any of…  _ them,  _ but there’s bound to be at least  _ some  _ supplies.

The car slows to a crawl as they enter the parking lot of the store, and Donghyuck takes the time to peer into the boot and note their supplies. They’ve got food left, and water, but not much. The petrol is nearly empty, they should be able to refill here.

“You see anything?” Jeno murmurs, the car finally halting. 

“All clear,” Renjun confirms. “The doors look locked, though. We’ll need to smash the glass.”

“What do we need?”

“Food,” Donghyuck replies. “Water. Batteries, whatever materials we find in there that might help. Petrol.”

Jeno nods. “Chenle, stay with me. The rest of you can get what we need from inside.”

The car comes to a halt, and Donghyuck is quick to exit the car, leading the way to the doors of the store, stopping a few steps away. Renjun’s gone off on his own, disappeared around a corner to look for something. Donghyuck waves his hand underneath the sensor – nothing happens. Renjun was right – they  _ are  _ locked.

“You got something to smash the glass with?” he calls, stepping away from the door and glancing back at Jaemin and Jisung. Jaemin shrugs, Jisung shakes his head.

Renjun appears from around the corner, sneakers thudding against the ground as he jogs towards them, large rock in hand. Coming to stop beside them, he throws the rock and the glass shatters on the first hit. Donghyuck can’t help but flinch at the loud sound, half afraid that something will come any moment and attack them, turn them, kill them. For a moment, they stay still, on edge, but when nothing happens, no alarm sounds, they relax, entering the store.

Thick layers of dust cover everything, and Donghyuck grimaces as he swipes a finger over a package of ships, the dust easily transferring to his skin. Renjun and Jisung are already picking food out, anything that looks edible, so Donghyuck skips past the food and makes his way to the fridge. It’s fully stocked – water bottles filling up an entire section. Something about it feels off.

“I don’t think anybody’s ever been here,” Jaemin says, opening the fridge and beginning to pull out bottles of water. Donghyuck follows, reaching for the largest bottles he can and gathering them in his arms. They’re cold – the fridge is still working – and condensation clings to his fingers, collecting into droplets that slide down his skin slowly, suspending themselves off his fingertips until they grow too heavy and fall, dripping onto the tile floor. 

He’s parched, but he doesn’t drink any water, piling it into his arms and letting a single bottle dangle from his fingers as he stumbles out of the store and towards the car. Chenle scrambles out from the passenger side, limping slightly as he moves to open the boot, helping Donghyuck pile water bottles in, cramming them tightly against the side.

“We refilled the tank,’ Chenle says, then pats the containers of petrol. “We’ve collected this, as well. It should last us a while.”

“Perfect,” Jaemin pushes past the two and dumps his own armfuls of water. Chenle rushes to organise them, shoving them against the rest of the water. “Just two more trips, I think,” he mutters.

Donghyuck nods. They spend another twenty minutes collecting supplies, piling them into the boot until there’s virtually no space left. Nothing disturbs them in that time - the area is completely empty, but Jeno stays by the wheel anyway, just in case they need to make a quick getaway.

Donghyuck is left to close the boot as the rest pile in the car. He shuts it carefully, then makes his way around the side, where a door is left open for him. His hand rests on the door before he gets an idea and pauses, turning to glance at the store. 

“What are you doing? Get in the car,” Renjun hisses, tugging on Donghyuck’s arm.

“Wait, I’ll be right back,” Donghyuck promises, then bolts for the store again. He makes a beeline for the drinks, eyeing the sugary drinks in the fridge. They haven’t been able to treat themselves in so long - he remembers everyone’s favourite drinks, though. 

Acting on instinct, he reaches in and pulls out everyone’s drinks, piling them into his arms and heading back towards the car. Before he leaves the building, he counts the drinks silently, double checking he has the right ones.

_ Five… six… _

He freezes.

_ Seven. _

Vivid memories invade his mind – of the  _ seven  _ of them, before all this started, screwing around and enjoying themselves, unaware of their bleak future. His eyes burn, he blinks tears away.

Someone yells in the distance – it sounds like Renjun – and Donghyuck looks up from the drinks, to the five others in the car, then back at the drinks. Slowly, shakily, he steps towards the counter, removes the banana milk from his arms and rests it on the surface. He turns to leave, a flash of silver catching his attention: a single lighter, deep blue in colour, wedged in between the cash register and the display, almost hidden from sight. It’s probably been there a while – knocked off the display by someone months ago.

Donghyuck picks it up and pockets it.

(He quickly forgets about it, his mind preoccupied with staying alive, and it slips out of his pocket, falling somewhere underneath the seat.)

  
  


 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Donghyuck and Jeno are on lookout tonight.

They’ve finally found an abandoned house, half in ruins but still stable, somewhere they’ll have shelter for a while, until they inevitably need to leave again. Donghyuck hopes this place lasts longer than before.

It’s almost eerily quiet, Donghyuck perched on a window sill, watching for anything suspicious, while Jeno moves around the house, barricading anything he finds. The rest of them sleep, curled up together on ratty couches, empty packages of food on the floor near them. They look peaceful, and for a moment Donghyuck can almost imagine that they’re back home, happy and safe. He doesn’t dare to move, doesn’t want to make any sound that might wake them.

Floorboards creak as Jeno enters the room again, joining Donghyuck at the window sill. He doesn’t say anything, just pulls out a bar of chocolate from his pocket (he must have kept it from earlier, when Renjun had revealed he packed a few blocks and given everyone their share) and snaps a piece off, pressing it into Donghyuck’s hand. Donghyuck takes it gratefully, smiling softly at Jeno while he pops it in his mouth.

“I saw you before, you know,” Jeno murmurs. “You almost brought a drink for him, didn’t you?”

Donghyuck tenses up, and Jeno immediately grabs his hand, rubbing circles into his skin soothingly. It’s an unspoken agreement that they don’t talk about  _ him,  _ not by name, anyway. It brings up too many memories, too many feelings that they can’t afford to feel, not when they’re running like this.

Donghyuck draws his legs to his chest, resting his chin on his knees as he stares outside, letting the chocolate melt on his tongue. When it’s all gone, only a lingering aftertaste, he speaks. 

“I miss him.”

“We all do.” Jeno shifts closer to Donghyuck, lacing their fingers together and squeezing his hand. The touch is calming, grounding, and Donghyuck lets his legs fall, turning to curl into Jeno’s side, head resting on his shoulder. 

“I wish I could have saved him.” His voice is thick, unable to do anything but whisper as tears prick at the corners of his eyes. He wipes them away hastily, blinking to make sure they’re all gone. Jeno lets go of his hand in favour of wrapping his arm around Donghyuck, holding him tightly, pressing his lips gently against Donghyuck’s hair.

“It’s okay to cry, Duckie,” he murmurs, but Donghyuck just shakes his head, clinging to Jeno tightly.

He can’t cry. He needs to be strong.

  
  


 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Once, a long time ago, it had been Mark who drove them everywhere. 

(He was the only one who  _ could  _ drive. Now, even Jisung knows the basics. Donghyuck wishes the boy didn’t have to.) 

It had been his car they had used when the outbreak started - seven of them cramming into the five seats, clinging to each other as they drove far, far away. It’s his car they use now. It’s not any more spacious with six, but they’re used to it. It’s beat up and dented and the engine’s broken too many times, but they still use it. No one wants to leave it - no one dares to even  _ consider  _ hotwiring a different car, a more functional car. 

There’s an underlying fear, one that Donghyuck feels whenever the car stalls, refuses to move, and it’s not the fear of death. It’s like this car is the last physical reminder of Mark that exists, and no one wants to part from it in fear of forgetting him entirely. They don’t have pictures of him, they had burnt his clothes in fear, lost almost everything they had to remind themselves of him. Now, it’s just this shitty car and their shitty memories that they cling to, never mentioning him by name but never needing to. Traces of him linger whenever they drive, whenever Donghyuck curls his hands around the wheel, gripping it tightly as he speeds through streets to get away from the creatures behind them.

It had been a month into the outbreak that Mark taught them how to drive. He didn’t say why, but Donghyuck could see in his movements, the way his fingers tapped incessantly against the steering wheel, the biting habit he had acquired. He was scared - scared he would die before the rest of them, scared he would leave before they would be able to fend for themselves.

Donghyuck had asked him once, if he thought they all - all seven of them - could make it alive, together. Mark hadn’t replied, but his silence said it all. 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Jaemin has a gun. He stole it from his dad when they first left, took all the ammunition with him, too. It wasn’t like his parents would need it; they were the first to turn. It’s a pistol - small, barely larger than his hand, easily concealable, and maybe that’s why Donghyuck forgets he has it.

Jaemin barely uses it, anyway. Donghyuck doesn’t remember the last time he pulled it out and actually shot something. He’s got it out now, while he and Donghyuck and Chenle wait in the house for the others to return, twirling it in his hand idly as he watches outside.

"I didn't know you still had that," Donghyuck says, leaning against the wall next to him. "You never use it anymore."

Jaemin shrugs. "Never had a reason to. Besides," he holds the pistol between his thumb and forefinger as he surveys it. "I've only got one bullet left. I've got to save it for something important, you know."

Donghyuck nods. He doesn't want to think what Jaemin's definition of  _ important  _ is - what it might entail. Jaemin can fight with knives, kill with knives, he hasn't needed to use a gun and probably never will. Not unless... not unless it would be easier, less painful.

Somewhere in the distance, a door opens and shuts. The others are back. Donghyuck steps away from the wall, moving to go help them with their supplies. In the last second, he turns back to Jaemin.

"Let's hope you never use it," he forces a smile, and Jaemin smiles back, equally as forced. He doesn't feel very hopeful.

Chenle is quiet to join Donghyuck in moving downstairs, clutching to the sides of the walls as he makes his way down. At first, Donghyuck thinks he’s just focusing on getting downstairs safely, but then he speaks, so quiet Donghyuck almost doesn't hear him.

"He'll use it on one of us."

Chenle sounds so sure of himself, despite his quiet tone, and Donghyuck's heart plummets.

"No he won't," he says, lacing his voice with faux confidence, and when Chenle looks at him in confusion, he just smiles brightly at him "As long as we keep each other safe, we'll be fine!" The words are forced, horribly fake, and Donghyuck knows that and Chenle knows that. It sounds like someone else is talking in Donghyuck's place.

Chenle doesn’t reply, just stares at him doubtfully. Donghyuck knows what he's thinking, what he wants to voice out loud.

Mark used to say that.

_ Look where we are now. _

  
  


 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Donghyuck's never been one to worry about his friends. They can handle themselves fine, they've strong and know how to fight.

He tells himself this as the sun slowly sets, turning the room dark, and half of them aren't here. Renjun and Chenle are huddled together on one couch, whispering to each other in Mandarin and letting out loud giggles every so often. Donghyuck doesn't know what they're saying, and although he's glad they're enjoying themselves (they don't get that luxury anymore), he can't help but wonder why they don't seem worried.

The six of them made a rule to arrive back before sunset. The sun is setting, and there's still no sign of Jeno, Jaemin or Jisung.

_ They'll be fine. _

If only they had phones to communicate with; if only phone lines hadn't broken down two months into the outbreak;  _ if only  _ they had  _ some  _ sort of way to communicate with them beyond yellign and praying they're in hearing distance.

(They can't even yell, in fear of attracting death.)

Relief floods through Donghyuck when he hears the door open, and he's the first to race down to greet the others. When he only sees Jeno and Jaemin, sees their distraught expressions, he freezes.

"Where's Jisung?" Chenle says, from the top of the stairs, his entire frame fraught with tension. Renjun is right behind him, keeping a hold of Chenle, just in case. Jeno doesn't speak, dropping his supplies to the floor and sliding down the wall, burying his face in his hands. His shoulders tremble.

Jaemin looks down at him, then at Donghyuck, then finally at Chenle and Renjun. Donhyuck can see the tears in his eyes, knows he's refusing to let them fall. Donghyuck feels frozen in place, unmoving as he watches the rest of them.

"I'm sorry," Jaemin whispers.

"No," Chenle staggers back, Renjun catching him as his leg gives out underneath him. He shakes his head rapidly, tears quickly falling. "No, he can't be gone. He can't be -" a sob rips from Chenle's throat and Jaemin rushes to him, he and Renjun holding the younger tight.

Donghyuck's legs start working again, and he almost moves to comfort Chenle when he remembers Jeno, still slumped against the wall, face hidden by his hands. He’s careful not to shock Jeno as he crouches by him, resting his palms flat on Jeno's knees. Jeno doesn't look up. Donghyuck didn't really expect him to.

Up close, he can hear Jeno's shaky breaths, the sobs that occasionally escape him. Donghyuck's presence seems to calm him, his breathing slowing and his shoulders shaking less, and Donghyuck waits until he's mostly calm before he tries to speak, letting Jeno shift closer towards him.

"What happened?" he asks, pressing even closer to Jeno.

Jeno shakes his head. When he looks up at Donghyuck, his eyes are puffy. "He disappeared. We couldn't find him."

"Do you think..." Donghyuck trails off, not wanting to finish the thought.

_ Do you think he was turned? _

"I don't - I don't  _ know, _ " Jeno responds, his head thudding against the wall in frustration. Donghyuck winces. It sounds like it hurt. "We searched  _ everywhere.  _ He was just  _ gone. _ "

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

They've been here for a month before they need to leave again. Donghyuck is with Jeno and Renjun, surveying the area and collecting supplies, and everything seems fine until they get back to the house and, on the way in, hear the tell-tale  _ groaning  _ from outside.

They don't bother checking if their suspicions are correct, simply racing through the house to alert Jaemin and Chenle, terrified that something might have already happened to them. The two are fine - confused at first but catching on quickly. Jaemin hoists Chenle up and they follow the others downstairs, Jaemin's arm wrapped around Chenle.

Through the glass window by the door Donghyuck can already see one of  _ them,  _ its back turned to the house. When it hears noise from within it turns, and Donghyuck can't help but feel relieved that he doesn't recognise the rotting face, not one bit.

( _ It’s not Jisung,  _ Donghyuck thinks,  _ he could still be out there,  _ he hopes. Pretends like his hopes weren’t dashed long ago.)

"There's only one of them now," Renjun says, already pulling a knife from his pocket.  _ More will follow.  _

Opening the door triggers a reaction in it, letting out a groan as it begins to rush forward. Renjun is instantly in its face, kicking it away from the door and attacking it. Donghyuck trusts him to handle it, racing for the car and taking the driver's seat as the other three pile in the back. He revs the engine, ready to leave instantly. 

_ One, two, three  _ seconds pass, and the passenger door is opened, Renjun sliding it and shutting it. Donghyuck slams his food on the accelerator, something slamming into the car as he speeds off.

They're quiet as Donghyuck drives, slowing to a normal pace once he's travelled far enough away. More of  _ them  _ are roaming the street, stumbling mindlessly along and only picking up speed when they notice the car. They're not fast enough to catch it.

Donghyuck doesn't look at them - out of fear, partly, but mostly because he doesn't want to be distracted by anything he sees. He trusts the others to tell him if they see anything important. Eventually, they stop appearing, and the road is empty once more.

"Hyungs?" Chenle's voice pipes up after a while, soft and hesitant. Donghyuck hums to show he's listening. There's a long pause - like Chenle is figuring out how to say what he wants to.

"Do you ever - wonder who else is alive?"

"What do you mean, Lele?" Jeno says.

"Like - our families. We just left them. Do you think some of them could be alive?"

"No," Jaemin mutters, quick to refute him. Donghyuck wishes he could disagree with him. He doesn’t like to think much about his family. His parents had been the second out of their group’s to die, but Taeyong had disappeared with his friends - Chenle and Renjun’s brothers, along with other people Donghyuck knew and loved - and  _ logically  _ Donghyuck knows they can’t all be alive anymore.

"But why not? We always look for them and never see them like -  _ that.  _ Why is it so hard to think they might be alive?" Chenle's voice quietens as he speaks. Donghyuck doesn't have to look to know he's fidgeting.

"There's no point in hoping," Jaemin replies, softer. "It's easier to assume they're gone. I'm sorry, Lele."

Chenle doesn't speak after that. Donghyuck knows he’s thinking about his family.

  
  


 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

The night is warm, and Donghyuck and Jeno are the only ones awake. They’re perched on the front of the car, the others inside, sleeping. 

Donghyuck had managed to scrounge up a half eaten bar of chocolate from somewhere inside the car, and they had shared it between the two of them as they listened, watched, for anything suspicious. They share small talk occasionally, but the silence between them is comfortable, Jeno’s body warm next to him as they stare up at the clear sky.

(There are so many stars. Donghyuck had forgotten how many there are.)

The car is hard and uncomfortable underneath him, but he finds his eyes involuntarily closing anyway, sleep trying to take him. When Jeno shifts, sitting up, Donghyuck jolts fully awake, his eyes flying open. Jeno is watching Donghyuck, a small smile on his face. Donghyuck doesn’t bother sitting up, just tilts his head questioningly.

“Is there any left?” Jeno nods towards the chocolate, lying near Donghyuck’s head, Donghyuck tugs the packet towards him. A single piece is in the wrapper, he plucks it out and sticks one end in his mouth, holding onto it with his teeth.

“You want some?”

His voice is muffled through the chocolate, muffled further by his whispering, and for a moment he’s not entirely sure why he’s doing this. Then Jeno looks flustered, but leans forward anyway, and Donghyuck’s heart-rate picks up and he thinks he realises.

He used to play this game with the others, when they had no worries beyond graduating high school. Back then, he used pepero, and chocolate is different but it still works. Something about this -  _ game  _ \- lets Donghyuck forget, just briefly, about the darkness outside, Mark’s shitty car, this shitty room they’ve holed themselves up in. 

Jeno’s face is suddenly only inches away from Donghyuck’s and his breath hitches in his throat. He’s close enough that Donghyuck can feel his breath, warm and releasing in puffs of air, and he closes his eyes instinctively.

He’s only partially prepared for Jeno’s lips to press against his, slightly chapped and dry, and he’s certainly not prepared for the surety in his movements. Donghyuck gasps slightly, unintentionally, at the pressure against his mouth.

He begins to press back, and then the pressure is gone, and so is all the chocolate, and Donghyuck opens his eyes again to see Jeno grinning cheekily down at him, finishing his chocolate. He frowns, sitting up abruptly to properly glare at Jeno. 

“That’s not fair,” he whines, and Jeno’s grin widens, a small laugh slipping through. “You can’t take it all!” When Jeno just shrugs, beginning to giggle, Donghyuck glares at him and juts out his lower lip. He wanted that chocolate, damnit.

Jeno’s giggles taper out, and then it’s as if a light bulb switches on inside of him as he sits up straight and gazes at Donghyuck intensely. Donghyuck’s frown slides off his face.

“Do you still want some?” Jeno asks, Donghyuck looking up at him in confusion.

“But you ate the last-“ Donghyuck is cut off by soft lips pressing against his, firmer than before. For a split second he finds himself freezing, then melts into the kiss almost instantaneously, moving his mouth against Jeno’s.

Jeno’s arms wind firmly around him, tugging him close, as Donghyuck clutches at his arms, his shirt, his hair. Chocolate lingers on their tongues as they kiss, pressing further closer to each other. There’s something desperate about it, the way Donghyuck clings to Jeno needily, the way Jeno’s hands are pressed against Donghyuck’s sides, warm. It’s like they’re trying to forget about everything, to forget about their pain, and for a moment Donghyuck can pretend they’re at home, safe, where the biggest danger in their lives is Donghyuck’s family walking in on them make out. 

He doesn’t realise he’s started crying until Jeno pulls away, running his thumbs over Donghyuck’s cheeks. They come away wet, and it’s only then that Donghyuck sees how much his hands shake, how his breath comes short and fast. And when he notices it he can’t stop, sobs wrenching from his throat as his entire body is wracked with shivers. Jeno pulls him in close, lets Donghyuck bury his face in the crook of his neck as he cries, fingers curling tightly in Jeno’s shirt.

“I miss them,” he sobs, “I miss Jisungie and Mark-hyung and my brother-” he cuts himself off, choking on his tears. Fingers run firmly through his hair, Jeno kisses his forehead softly as he holds him tight. 

“Just breathe, Duckie,” he murmurs, voice muffled by Donghyuck’s hair. “Deep breaths.”

Donghyuck sucks in a breath, lets it out shakily. He doesn’t think it’s helping, but Jeno keeps encouraging him, holding him tight and running his hands up Donghyuck’s back soothingly. (If he’s to be entirely honest, it’s Jeno’s presence that soothes him.) He’s not sure how long it takes to calm down, but he eventually does, sobs tapering into sniffles and breaths slowing, deepening. Jeno’s hands are a steady pressure on his back, further soothing him. 

When his own hands have stopped shaking, Donghyuck pulls away from Jeno slightly, looking up at him. Something wells in his chest when he sees the sadness in the other’s eyes, sorrowful and glassy, making him want to cry again, to wipe away Jeno’s tears.

Instead, Donghyuck leans up and kisses Jeno firmly, quickly, pulling back after a second. He blinks to stop his eyes burning.

“Promise you won’t die,’ he demands, his voice cracking. Jeno wipes the last of his tears away gently, softly. “Promise me you’ll stay safe.”

“I’ll try.”

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

No one is prepared for the attack that comes. 

It had seemed quiet, peaceful, and Donghyuck hadn’t heard anything suspicious, hadn’t seen anything shifty. As a result, they’re all out of the car, far away, exploring the tiny town they’ve found themselves in. They’re in a group - none of them want to risk walking off alone, not after losing Jisung. 

Donghyuck is stuffing water into a backpack when he hears the first groan. Reflexively he jumps up, spins to wherever the sound is coming from. One of  _ them  _ shuffles towards their group, picking up its pace. Donghyuck can see more of them, further away but moving ever closer.

“Fuck,” he hisses, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “We need to go  _ now. _ ”

Renjun curses when he sees them, springing up. He and Jeno bolt towards the car, Donghyuck following. The noise attracts the figures, who speed up their pace further still, pinpointing their locations and racing towards them. 

The car seems so far away.

Donghyuck’s close when he hears a loud cry from Chenle. He can’t help but skid to a halt, turning to see Chenle further behind, sprawled on the ground. Jaemin is nowhere to be seen. Acting on instinct, Donghyuck rushes to Chenle’s side, quick to grasp his arms, hauling him up. When Chenle stumbles he’s quick to wrap an arm around his waist, steadying him. 

One of  _ them  _ is approaching, still far enough away that Donghyuck doesn’t need to worry much,  _ yet. _

“Can you walk?” he asks, and Chenle lifts his leg up hesitantly, stepping forward. When he nearly crumples back to the ground, saved only by Donghyuck’s secure arm, he shakes his head mournfully. 

The figure is closer, getting closer still. Donghyuck curses, 

“I’ll carry you,” he says, steadying Chenle before he turns around, gesturing for the boy to jump on his back.

“No- hyung,” Chenle starts, Donghyuck quick to shut him up by shaking his head vigorously. The figure is too close for comfort, it’ll reach them if they don’t hurry. 

Chenle hesitates a moment longer, then jumps. Donghyuck steadies himself beneath Chenle’s weight, hands wrapping securely around Chenle’s thighs as he stands up. Chenle’s hair tickles Donghyuck’s cheek as he buries his face in the crook of Donghyuck’s neck, clinging tightly to him.

It’s difficult running with a heavy weight on his back, Donghyuck moving much slower than he would want to, but he makes it to the car fine. Jeno’s already got the door open, Chenle dropping off Donghyuck’s back and clambering into the backseat, Jeno tugging him in. 

Donghyuck moves to the front, opens the passenger door, when he spots Renjun’s eyes widen in horror, frantically pointing behind him.

Donghyuck whirls around in time to find Jaemin intercepting one of  _ them _ before it kills anyone, fighting it off and quickly driving his knife into its head, watching it drop to the floor. The knife slips from Jaemin’s hand and he stands, still and unmoving, head bowed, back turned to the car. Donghyuck’s heart races.

“Nana, come on!” he hisses, slipping into his own seat as Jeno holds the door open for Jaemin. He shuts his door, Renjun murmuring something he doesn’t catch. At the sound, Jaemin stiffens, then turns slowly. Donghyuck doesn’t notice his arm until Jaemin lifts it.

Bloodied and bitten, skin already beginning to rot and peel, an ugly green shade spreading slowly up his arm, veins popping out and turning purple. Jaemin stares at it for a long time, a shaky hand tracing the path the veins make. When he looks up, tears are streaming down his face.

“No…” Donghyuck trails off as Jaemin shakes his head, a tight, sad smile stretched across his face. 

“Get in the car, Duckie,” he whispers, his voice shaky. His hands are shaking as he grabs something attached to his side - the small pistol.

_ Save it for something important. _

“Nana, no, you  _ can’t-”  _ Donghyuck’s voice breaks off when Jaemin switches off the safety. He steps forward - already beginning to stumble in the slow, shuffling movement they see everywhere. With the last of his strength, he shoves the door closed. Chenle flinches at the sound, and Jeno wraps his arms around him.

“Drive, Junnie,” Jeno commands softly. Renjun hesitates before he presses his foot to the accelerator, slowly leaving Jaemin. Donghyuck stays fixed in his seat, looking behind them as Jaemin wipes his eyes.

_ Goodbye,  _ he mouths. Donghyuck shakes his head, eyes welling up with tears as Jaemin’s figure gets increasingly smaller, the car picking up speed.

“Keep your eyes ahead, Duckie,” Renjun murmurs, and Donghyuck reluctantly turns around.

The gunshot comes abruptly, suddenly, and despite everything, even though he had expected it, Donghyuck flinches. Renjun inhales sharply, but doesn’t say anything. Donghyuck notices his hands tighten around the wheel, though, knuckles whitening under the pressure, trembling slightly. 

Donghyuck doesn’t dare look back.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

They find somewhere new to stay after a week of driving, their supplies running lower and lower until Donghyuck isn’t sure they’ll be able to survive.

It’s almost a miracle that they find somewhere, a house with all entrances closed but accessible, a nearby supermarket, quiet streets with no one - or nothing - wandering about.

Donghyuck and Chenle stay in the house, scoping out the rooms and ensuring there’s nothing dangerous, while Renjun and Jeno look for supplies. Donghyuck is sure to double check every window and door, making sure they can be locked before moving to a new section.

It’s not a very modern house, or a very nice one, but it works - big enough that all four of them can stay for a while, and, Donghyuck is surprised to find out, there are already necessary supplies: torches, loads of batteries and first aid materials. 

It’s the first place he thinks might actually work. That they might be able to stay a while - not permanently, but a few months.

Once he’s secured all the locks, he heads to the living area, where Chenle is seated on one of the couches, the left leg outstretched in front of him while the other is pulled up close to his chest.

The first thing Donghyuck notices is that Chenle is wearing shorts, exposing his legs and by extent the ugly scar that stretches around his right calf, raised and jagged and uneven. Donghyuck sometimes forgets the scar exists, he knows Chenle hates it, knows Chenle wears long pants to cover it up, but Chenle walks with a slight limp and his leg sometimes gives out from underneath him, a constant reminder that it’s there.

Then he sees the lighter, nestled in Chenle’s hand as he plays with it, switching it on and off sporadically, watching as the flame lights up. Something about the lighter is familiar, but Donghyuck can’t quite place what it is.

“Where did you get that?” he says, and Chenle flinches, but doesn’t drop the lighter. Donghyuck takes a seat next to him.

Chenle shrugs. “Found it in the car.”

_ Oh.  _ Donghyuck remembers now - the lighter wedged next to the cash register. He had forgotten all about it - he’s surprised it even works.

Chenle continues to play with it, lighting it up then letting the flame die, hovering too close to his leg for comfort.

“You could hurt yourself,” Donghyuck blurts out. Chenle frowns at the lighter, doesn’t look up at Donghyuck.

“I’m  _ sixteen,  _ not  _ six,  _ hyung,” he mutters. There’s something bitter in his tone, something off, unlike him, and Donghyuck rests his hand on Chenle’s knee. 

“Lele, what’s wrong?”

Chenle stiffens, the fire dying out and staying out, for now. Donghyuck waits patiently for him to talk. When he does, he still refuses to look up at Donghyuck.

“Why don’t you just leave me?” It comes out as a whisper, but Donghyuck still hears it clearly. His hand clenches reflexively in shock, Chenle flinching. Donghyuck is quick to let go of his knee, apologising softly.

“Why would we leave you?” he asks, and this time Chenle glances up at him before staring at the lighter again.

“I’m a burden. I can’t walk properly and all I do is slow you down,” he starts, his voice still a whisper, still almost too quiet to hear. 

Donghyuck frowns. “Chenle-“

Chenle interrupts him. “I can’t be of any  _ use _ to you - and it’s - it’s my fault the others are gone.”

Donghyuck stiffens.  _ Is this how Chenle’s always felt?  _ “None of this is your fault,” he says fiercely, and Chenle whips his head up to glare at Donghyuck.

“Yes it  _ is.  _ You don’t have to  _ lie  _ to me.”

Donghyuck shakes his head. “Chenle, I’m not-”

“ _ Shut up! _ ” Chenle cries, and Donghyuck is shocked silent. There’s a long pause, where Chenle’s breaths start to stutter and tears build up, in his and Donghyuck’s eyes. “Mark-hyung and Jaemin-hyung both  _ died  _ because of  _ me,  _ and you and I  _ both  _ know it!”

“That’s not true.”

Chenle stares at Donghyuck. “Ever since I got my stupid fucking leg caught in that trap I’ve done nothing but cause trouble for you.” His fingers start fiddling with the lighter even more, and Donghyuck catches Chenle’s wrists in his hands before he can hurt himself. He’s shaking badly, his breathing ragged and fast, eyes filling up with tears. The lighter slips to the floor, clattering harshly, and Donghyuck pulls Chenle close. “You should just leave me behind,” Chenle says thickly, and a sob rips from his chest. Donghyuck holds him tight, cradles Chenle as the younger cries.

His own eyes burn, but he doesn’t bother wiping away the tears that fall, too focused on Chenle to care.

“Chenle, listen to me,” Donghyuck says, cupping Chenle’s face in his palms. “We will  _ never  _ leave you behind.  _ Ever. _ ”

“But - why?”

“You and Jeno and Renjun are all I have left to live for. If you’re gone, then what’s the fucking point in staying alive?”

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Mark had died only six months after the outbreak.

They had almost run out of water, and so finding a nearby forest with what appeared to be a small river flowing through had seemed like a godsend. Not to mention it was quiet - no sight or sound of any of  _ them  _ lurking about.

It was on private property, but none of them cared about that, racing into the forest to find the river. They had filled up all the bottles they had, not bothering to worry if the water was actually  _ safe  _ or not, and were quick to head back to the car.

Renjun was the only one not collecting water, seated in the driver’s seat with the engine running, to ensure a quick escape if they needed one.

Donghyuck was trailing behind Jeno, Jaemin and Jisung, almost at the car, when, from the forest, came the sound of metal clashing together, loud and grating. 

Not a second later came Chenle’s scream, piercing and agonised. It had been loud enough to get the attention of a group of  _ them,  _ who had flocked to the area immediately. Donghyuck had been the first to race back in the forest, looking for Chenle. He found Mark first, already fighting off one of  _ them,  _ and then he saw Chenle. 

Lying on the ground, his right leg caught in some kind of metal trap, 

It had taken Jaemin and Jisung forcing open the trap, visibly gagging at the sight of Chenle’s mangled leg, and Jeno tugging Chenle into his arms, trying to ignore the pained cries the boy let out, to get Chenle free. 

They had raced for the car, Jeno with Chenle secure in his arms and Jisung and Jaemin fending off attackers. Donghyuck stayed with Mark until the older had forced him to run, shoving him towards the car.

Mark had promised to be there soon ( _ in ten minutes,  _ he had said), but they waited and he never appeared from the forest.

They drove off without Mark, with Chenle stretched across the backseat, deliriously muttering and screaming in pain. He would have bled out if not for Jisung wrapping a spare shirt around his leg, securing it tightly and pressing his own hands to the wound despite Chenle’s shrieks of pain. No one had any idea if Chenle would survive, but none of them wanted to risk two deaths, so they left. Donghyuck just had to pray Mark would be alright.

A week later they found him, stumbling along with the rest of  _ them,  _ flesh rotting and falling off in pieces. He had lunged at them, and for a moment Donghyuck was frozen, almost believing Mark was fine, almost ready to hug him and thank him for returning.

Then Jaemin had stuck a bullet in his head, and that was the last they saw of Mark.

(Thinking back on it, it must have been Jaemin’s second to last bullet left.)

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Donghyuck is with Chenle on lookout duty tonight, both of them huddled together near a window, sharing each other’s warmth. 

Renjun and Jeno share a couch, asleep, but Renjun’s started moving, whimpering in his sleep, and when his arm swings out, it hits Jeno. Jeno is quick to wake - they’re all quick to wake, nowadays - and he’s quick to wake Renjun, too.

Renjun gasps, bolting upright, shivering slightly. “Nana,” he breathes, eyes wide and frightened. 

“Jaemin’s not here,” Jeno whispers, brushing a hand through Renjun’s hair. Renjun hits it away, glaring at Jeno.

“Yes he is, I know he is,” he says, frantic in his gestures. Jeno shakes his head sadly.

“Renjun, you just had a nightmare,” he says soothingly.

Renjun shakes his head vigorously. “No - no, he’s outside, he needs me,” he stands from the couch, stumbles forward, but Jeno snags his arm and pulls him back. Something snaps in Renjun and he begins to thrash in Jeno’s hold, hitting Jeno’s arms and sides and clawing at his hands. Jeno continues to hold him tight, grunting at the sheer effort of holding Renjun back.

A hand slips into Donghyuck’s, he turns to Chenle and squeezes his hand back, letting him shuffle closer to Donghyuck. He’s tearing up, shaking with - fear, probably - at the ruckus Renjun is causing.

“He’s  _ out there,  _ I can  _ see him! _ ” Renjun cries, struggling in Jeno’s arms. “Let  _ go of me! _ ” 

_ He hasn’t even looked outside. _

“He’s fucking  _ dead,  _ Jun,” Donghyuck snaps, holding Chenle tighter, curling his body around the younger protectively. Chenle doesn’t protest, clinging to Donghyuck. 

Renjun elbows Jeno roughly, who doubles over in pain as Renjun finally twists out of his arms, bolting for the front door. Jeno is quick to recover, racing after him, letting the door slam shut behind him as he follows Renjun outside.

He hears Jeno shout something, muffled in the distance. Chenle frowns, biting his lip anxiously. Donghyuck rubs a soothing hand up his arm, presses a kiss to Chenle’s forehead as he counts to ten in his head, waiting for Jeno and Renjun to return.

He’s at eight when the door opens and shuts, Jeno cursing as he makes his way to Donghyuck.

“I can’t find him,” he pants. Donghyuck can already see tears welling up in his eyes.

_ Not again. _

He pries Chenle off him, stands up quickly. ‘I’ll go find him,” he declares, pushing Jeno towards Chenle. “You wait here.”

He doesn’t wait for an answer as he slips out the door, out into the open. It looks empty, but when Donghyuck strains his ears he can hear groans in the distance, and then, closer, sobs. It doesn’t take him long to find the source of the crying.

It’s Renjun, babbling mindlessly to himself, words that Donghyuck can’t comprehend, clutching at his arms madly. When Donghyuck tries to call out for him he’s ignored, even when he gets closer still. And then, suddenly, one of  _ them _ appears from around the corner, and Donghyuck’s got a hand on his knife instantly, poised, waiting if he needs to attack.

Renjun pauses in his movements, then tilts his head at the figure. Donghyuck can’t see Renjun’s face. He doesn’t really want to. Then, beginning to laugh madly, Renjun outstretches his arms, reaching for it almost desperately, and Donghyuck wants to yell to Renjun to  _ stop  _ but his voice is caught in his throat and Renjun won’t listen to him  _ anyway. _

The figure collides with Renjun, and Donghyuck is stuck, frozen in place as he watches it happen – flesh torn from Renjun’s arms and chest and neck, killing him almost instantly as he falls to the ground, a dead weight. A moment passes, and the same ugly purple veins begin to spread around the skin, underneath the sticky blood covering Renjun.

Donghyuck’s muscles unfreeze, and he scrambles back, turning away from them and bolting, right before Renjun’s body stiffens, head snapping to the side as he stares at Donghyuck with dead, unseeing eyes.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

They leave soon after, piling supplies back into Mark’s car and driving off. Donghyuck forces himself not to cry.

For a month they jump from town to town, never staying in the same place longer than a couple days, too afraid something else might happen. They don’t see many of  _ them,  _ and when they do it’s from the safety of their car.

They ration our their supplies more strictly now, but Donghyuck and Jeno sneak pieces of their food into Chenle’s, give him the last of their water. At night, Donghyuck and Jeno take turns keeping guard, resting on each other while Chenle sleeps nearby.

When they’re both awake at the same time, they don’t talk. There’s nothing they want to talk about anymore. Sometimes Jeno will wrap his arms around Donghyuck and kiss him softly, languidly, Donghyuck returning the kiss with fervor. Sometimes Donghyuck initiates it, presses harder against Jeno, rougher, and they’ll kiss until one is tired, or crying, or both.

(Donghyuck doesn’t know if he’s in love. He depends on Jeno, and Jeno depends on him, but he doesn’t know if that’s what twists their feelings, makes them seem more like  _ love  _ than they actually are. The warm touches, the intimacy, it’s all something to distract them from the reality of the outside world.)

Their supplies are reaching the lowest they’ve ever been, Donghyuck hasn’t eaten in two days, when, while driving, he spots a town. 

He doesn’t dare get his hopes up, but the car speeds up as they enter the suburb, streets narrowing and branching out, passing houses upon houses - some ruined, some intact. 

The town is eerily familiar. It’s quiet, too. No one is around, nothing makes a sound as they drive through the streets. 

The familiarity only increases as he drives further into town. Then, as they pass a roundabout, as they turn a corner and he sees Mark’s house, he realises why this place is so familiar, why he feels such a strong sense of nostalgia as he looks around.

They’re home.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The convenience store near Mark’s house brings back a flood of memories, most of which Donghyuck wishes he could forget. Most of them involve Mark – buying milk together late at night and annoying Johnny, the night shift worker; raiding the freezer for ice cream in the hot summer, eating it inside because it’s too hot to go outside; almost knocking over one of the shelves when Mark pushes Donghyuck just a bit too hard in retaliation.

It feels strange to be back. To be standing in the same store they used to buy treats from all that time ago (not so long ago, if Donghyuck thinks about it), to be stuffing water and food into their backpacks with no intention of paying.

No one talks. No one wants to, too unnerved by the familiar environment, now out of place. They move silently, taking what they need and more. Donghyuck slips a few lollipops into Chenle’s bag when the boy isn’t looking, slips chocolate into Jeno’s bag.

The sound of someone moving from the other end of the store causes all three boys to tense, straightening up and facing the sound. Donghyuck’s fist tightens around the strap of his bag, ready to swing it if any of  _ them  _ attack.

The movement sounds human, though. Normal. Donghyuck knows whoever it is is getting closer, footsteps getting louder, sounding too  _ normal  _ and  _ neat  _ to be one of  _ them.  _ Jeno edges close to Donghyuck, touches Donghyuck’s wrist in reassurance. 

A man appears in view, and Donghyuck almost doesn’t recognise him. It’s been a while since he’s seen anyone other than Chenle and Jeno, let alone anyone else he  _ knows.  _ And he  _ knows  _ this man – they all do, they’ve all known him since they were kids.

“Chenle,” Kun says, eyes wide in shock. “Donghyuck, Jeno. Is that really you?”

Chenle lets out a cry of delight and flings himself at his brother, Mandarin streaming from his mouth as he clings to him tightly. Kun freezes at first, then wraps his arms around Chenle, hugging him tightly. He looks like he’s not sure if this is real.

(Donghyuck’s not sure, either.)

“Hyung,” Jeno gasps, his hand tightening around Donghyuck’s wrist. “Hyung - you’re  _ alive. _ ”

“I could say the same about you,” Kun grins. Chenle stays attached to him, no longer spewing Mandarin but clinging to him all the same. “Is it just the three of you?”

Donghyuck tenses, and Kun must notice it because his expression drops to one of concern. Jeno squeezes Donghyuck’s wrist lightly. Even Chenle, in Kun’s arms, looks tense.

“Yeah,” Donghyuck manages. “Just the three of us.”

  
  
  


 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> (kun at the end is me apologising for killing everyone lol)
> 
> dont forget to leave kudos n comments, they keep lil me breathing !
> 
> twt : [ot3rachas](https://twitter.com/ot3rachas)  
> cc: [neolatte](https://curiouscat.me/neolatte)


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